WHY TURNING 20 SCARES ME🤯😰


Dear Diary,

It’s currently 27 days until I turn 20. I lay on my back counting the stars and hopefully, I see a shooting star so I make a wish right here on this rooftop as I write to you and enact how my heart shakes in dread. My heart’s plagued, My thought’s choked, my feelings imprisoned, my head’s clouded, it seems as though my thoughts are too solemn for my lips to deliver, my heart’s racing. The month is on a relay duty to reach 29th. My brain is clogged, my stomach gives me hot chills and my heart skips a beat when the thought of turning 20 crosses my mind. I am simply not “old” enough to be turning 20. 

I wish I were 18 turning 19😭😭 I can’t believe how fast I’ve grown. It was just yesterday,  I was on a pitch body fitted gown with black stripes on both sides of my hips which screamed perfection. I walked gorgeously in my perfectly wedged blue heels and my beautifully designed Louis Vuitton handbag shaped to look like a mini briefcase with a clutched opening. I wore a Nigerian all-back braid with artificial attachments resting on my hips. And a sparkling necklace around my neck which screamed royalty. I was just Turning 17 as my mom looked at me with satisfaction beaming from her beautiful eyes, I had remarks from people commenting how perfectly I’m created, with a big smile in my head, I walked majestically to a calm space where I evaluated my 16 and cried my eyes out, ticked off boxes of goals I had accomplished. I was full of hopes,  I hadn’t seen life in this route.

Nineteen is  kind of a struggle, with boys, men, my dreams, aspirations, friends who called me fake, friends who sticked. I lost my #3 person, my most loyal companion, someone I thought would always be there. Battled with procrastination but then I had a special someone who never gave up on me. A family member and a family friend lost to the cold heart of death.

At 15, I had  embraced responsibilities, battled with being autonomous. But in-between ages I blame my preposterous actions on my “teens”, I can no longer blame things on my innocence or immaturity. Twenty rings a bell arousing tension. I find myself Concentrating on real matters and then a forceful brain pull screaming every damn thing that ties a knot with adulthood. My blood starts running in meters, my mind loses balance, my body is having a conflict with nature that I have to succumb to.

Though I have 27 more days, I wish to have a great experience in my 19 before I turn 20  but the clock is refusing a deal to work hand in hand with me, this saddens my soul.

Until 20, the verses are cheerful and reassuring. However, the final line is unsettling: So the years spin by and now the girl is turning 20. Though her dreams have lost some grandeur coming true, there’ll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty before the last revolving year is through.

I hear bills screaming, I hear my certificate racing in hot pursuit to my Twenty, I hear the country calling, I perceive busy schedules as I pursue my certificate. Twenty is breaking me and Diary, my hands are longing for a  pillar that will guard it’s balance. I perceive greatness that will come at a price and pressures that won’t break me.

Dear Diary, 

I have a WISHLIST to communicate to the universe. Being responsible and useful to the society comes at a cost.

~A MacBook Air or Pro 2019-2020 version.

~A ring light \Tripod stand

~A camera

~A selfie stick

~ Body and facial sunscreen from MAKARI on IG

~A platform that will drive traffic to my blogs (Veraharvey.esy.es and Hacon.esy.es) and Vlog. 

~ An iPhone 12 for better video quality for vlogging.

~ Article topics from you my number 1 fans.

~ 20 books for the age ‘20’.

~ A Therapist. (Make payments for me to speak to a Therapist on Betterhelp.com)

~ Introduce me to companies that need a freelance writer. (I love to work from home).

These are just the right mechanisms I need to be a RESPONSIBLE ‘20’ year old.

There’s this idea that you can be reckless only when you’re a teenager because you have room for mistakes. You do not have any real responsibilities; this then creates the idea that 20 is when you become the perfect example of a citizen in society. Though it scares me, and turning back the hands of time to my birth only smells sarcasm in my voice. I’m embracing 20 with all I’ve got.

To my fellow soon-to-be 20-year-olds, twenty is important.  Make the most of what you can of this big year. Cheers to Adulthood 👩‍🦯🥂

I create mind blowing content, lifestyle blog

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